I don't know what it is....If it's the kind of person I am and that's why I'm attracted to those that are doomed, or what -but I am seriously fucking bummed out. I love art and music and I am drawn to the darker side I guess you could say. I love mystery, goth, intrigue and sex (obviously). I adore the band Type O Negative. And I've had a major "thing" for the frontman Peter Steele for years. He's been "the other man" in my life for years and I've always enjoyed making my husband jealous over my infatuation. It was fun, especially with the Playgirl pics (woooooo!!!).
But Peter passed away last night.
They said it was heart failure, but it was probably drugs, it always is. And I can totally understand addiction. When you're a kid, drugs are a way to rebel and have a good time. When you get older it's about easing the hurt in your life, and escaping from the day to day bullshit.
I just can't wrap my head around this one though....My husband and I expected this to happen at some point, however I always dreaded the day I'd have to mourn Peter Steeles death. And here it is, so I'm drinking red wine in his honor and trying to sort out my feelings. Many people would find my reaction stupid, which is fine- whatever. I don't care.
But my soul is aching for comfort and for answers! I don't need to know someone personally to care about them! I've spent many a night listening to Black #1 and September Sun as well as countless other songs by Type O Negative that made me feel alive and happy. I remember being in the audience at Toads Place and feeling a physical and mental connection...It's magic. And if someone can move me that much, then to me they are special. I don't care what their hang ups are. I'm just sorry they have them. And I'm sorry that there will never be another Type O Negative album. I'm sorry that Peter couldn't find happiness in life. Some people, I believe, are just not meant to survive in this world. No matter how tough, tall, strong, or bad a person may seem; they can still be fragile.
I hope there is a God and that he's as good as many seem to believe. I want to believe, but it's so hard. I admire peope who have such faith in God and no doubts whatsoever in his plan for us. I almost envy them because if I had that kind of faith, I probably wouldn't be so down as I am....
But Peter passed away last night.
They said it was heart failure, but it was probably drugs, it always is. And I can totally understand addiction. When you're a kid, drugs are a way to rebel and have a good time. When you get older it's about easing the hurt in your life, and escaping from the day to day bullshit.
I just can't wrap my head around this one though....My husband and I expected this to happen at some point, however I always dreaded the day I'd have to mourn Peter Steeles death. And here it is, so I'm drinking red wine in his honor and trying to sort out my feelings. Many people would find my reaction stupid, which is fine- whatever. I don't care.
But my soul is aching for comfort and for answers! I don't need to know someone personally to care about them! I've spent many a night listening to Black #1 and September Sun as well as countless other songs by Type O Negative that made me feel alive and happy. I remember being in the audience at Toads Place and feeling a physical and mental connection...It's magic. And if someone can move me that much, then to me they are special. I don't care what their hang ups are. I'm just sorry they have them. And I'm sorry that there will never be another Type O Negative album. I'm sorry that Peter couldn't find happiness in life. Some people, I believe, are just not meant to survive in this world. No matter how tough, tall, strong, or bad a person may seem; they can still be fragile.
I hope there is a God and that he's as good as many seem to believe. I want to believe, but it's so hard. I admire peope who have such faith in God and no doubts whatsoever in his plan for us. I almost envy them because if I had that kind of faith, I probably wouldn't be so down as I am....
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