The greatest blog in the universe!!!

I'm Just making a random list of things I find funny,interesting, and entertaining. I love sarcastic, witty, offensive, dirty, or just plain stupid humor and I need to laugh...So lets see what I can dig up today.....




This should be mandatory at every salon!

Haha

So glad I quit smoking!

I've always loved this one! I'd so go there! Lets go to Cocks! My husband's always trying to talk me into joining him for beer and wings at Hooters- Sorry honey, it ain't happenin'....I don't need to choke down my beer with some hoochies hooters in my mans face. Where would married men be without skanks to serve them food and entertain them?

These two were found buried at a Neolithic Archaeological dig site near Montava Italy. Their arms have been wrapped around eachother in eternal embrace for about five-six thousand years. I was so moved by this picture and I wish their had been more to tell. I found this along with some Shakespeare:

Now old desire doth in his death-bed lie,And young affection gapes to be his heir;That fair for which love groan'd for and would die,With tender Juliet match'd, is now not fair.Now Romeo is beloved and loves again,Alike betwitched by the charm of looks,But to his foe supposed he must complain,And she steal love's sweet bait from fearful hooks:Being held a foe, he may not have accessTo breathe such vows as lovers use to swear;And she as much in love, her means much lessTo meet her new-beloved any where:But passion lends them power, time means, to meet Tempering extremities with extreme sweet.

This is a Wood Spider (And no, that is NOT my hand !!)
These things are the size of Texas and they reside in my laundry room.
I've had more than one standoff with these freakish things. I can't get too close otherwise I start screaming like a lunatic, my neighbors probably fear for my children's lives. My oldest daughter Sage loves to pull pranks on me, so I was folding laundry one day and happened to look down and see a HUGE spider on the floor...And thinking there's no way this thing could be real, I thought she took one of those spider rings you get on Halloween and put it there to scare me, so I reached for it and the damn thing sprung to life and came at me! I ran upstairs screaming and made Sage come down with me, but this time I was armed....With a plunger. Shoes are too small and I wasn't getting that close. I was beyond insane by this point so I started wielding the plunger like an axe and was so panicked that I kept missing my target and that hairy bastard was chasing me around the laundry room until I finally sent it back to hell.

And for my girls who love to shake their asses as much as I do, you gotta watch this:

Brrrr....

God it's cold out! I was really hoping school would've been delayed today, but nooooo.

It really should've been. I nearly busted my ass on my walkway this morning.
Did I mention it's cold?
Unless we move to a warmer climate- I'm gonna be one of those old ladies you see wearing a sweater, hat, gloves, and scarf indoors while shivering over a space heater,lol...Lets hope it doesn't come to that;o)

So I'm trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up, I mean- When my kids grow up! I loved working with mentally disabled people, there's so much they can contribute to this world if people would only give them a chance. It was an awesome feeling to be able to teach them skills that are needed to work,socialize, and just live. I'd still be doing it, but as much as I loved that particular job, it just didn't pay. That was also when gas shot up to $4.25 a gallon and I was driving a hundred miles a week to work. Savannah was in daycare and I was literally broke. I was apprehensive about driving a school bus but it was the only place that was hiring- and it was close to home. And in spite of the crude jokes (Like do I scratch my balls, smoke cigars, and how many tattoos,blah,blah,blah), it's not bad. Sometimes I even enjoy it. My middle school kids are awesome.

Writing and photography has always been something I love to do. I adore interior decorating and painting, anyone who's been to my house will tell you. I even loved working at Stop & Shop...Seriously, my manager, co-workers and customers were all like family. Hell, I even had the security guard wrapped around my finger. Damn he was hot......Anyway (hey I'm married, not dead!) I just want to love what I do. If I'm willing to spend thousands in school loans then I want to make it worthwhile.

God here I am at 30 trying to figure it out. I just never could.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a doctor/nurse, or a rockstar,lol...
What am I meant to do? Being a mother and watching my girls grow and feeling that pride only a parent can feel has been the greatest gift. How do you top that? Savannah's only 5 but I feel like I should start focusing on.....something. For me. I give my girls, my husband, my house, my work 110%. I'm now realizing I don't give myself even half of that (Surely, I'm one of many who say the same damn thing).
No wonder women are such bitches,lol...................

Oh boy was today just exhausting!
Nothing like driving a bus full of kids in the freakin' snow. Actually the bus eats through the snow, it was my 4x4 that was being wimpy which was infuriating! I did a full 360 and then some, just before turning onto my road. Thank God there were no oncoming cars, just one behind me and they were smart enough to stay put. I'm so happy to be home now, all curled up with my coffee and my dog Rocky. Now if only my girls would shut the hell up for five minutes of peace!

Aaaargh, but I still wouldn't change a thing.
My life is what I made it.
Many times I've had people (who mean well, or just can't mind their own business) say: "Geez Veronica, you're so smart, you could've been anything if you had put your mind to it"...

Really???
So I'm a complete failure????
How is living my life the way I see fit, a failure?
I chose a healthy lifestyle over drug addiction, I got my G.E.D, I married my baby daddy so I wouldn't have to hear my mom bitch that I have "two illegitimate kids" (gasp!), I've worked my ass off to provide a stable and loving home for my girls. They have everything I didn't and more. And I even quit smoking so I'd set a good example.

I went to Litchfield schools and it was ridiculous because we had no business living there. My father was a dreamer and blew smoke out his ass. He didn't provide for us. He was too busy fucking the waitress who was my classmates mother. He was a constant source of humiliation and disappointment....And I was so ashamed of my family, being the housekeepers daughter, and growing up poor in a rich town. So being the rebellious unsupervised youth that I was, I ran wild. Did things none of the other kids were doing and had a blast. Good times, good times;)
I'll spare the details because I'm not writing an autobiography, though I have a thousand stories I could tell. My experiences have shaped my life, helped me realize it's value. I take nothing for granted, I'm proud of who I am and the path I've chosen. And I love my mom dearly for doing the best she could.

Seeing that I'm almost 31, I need to reassure myself that it's really okay. I'm an adult (ugh) and I'm not old (yet) and my regrets are few. I get scared when I start having doubts or when someone rattles my confidence.
I'll admit, getting older freaks me out. It does. I just want to live my life. Not dwell on it or live it vicariously through my single friends,lol... Writing has always given me, I don't know...inner strength? I feel so much better now for seeing it before my eyes.
I'm weird, what can I say?

I've got to wrap this up because I've been writing for over an hour and the house isn't gonna clean itself....Maybe I should call my mother;)

C-Ya.....